Fuck My Life? No, Fuck Your Life: 5 Chinese FML Sites

July 28th, 2010

An article in the Jul 15-31 edition of 博客天下 (Blog Weekly) titled “你的糗事 我的快乐” (Your uncomfortable moment, my happiness) offers some good news: laughing at other people’s misfortune is a universal pleasure. The article talks about how the FML phenomenon has spread to China and lists five popular Chinese sites that do the same kind of thing that Fuck My Life (fmylife.com) does for English language netizers (my new term). Since I’m hip to the jive, I know that ‘fuck my life’ has spread, like a spore, from the nexicon (net lexicon) to the oral vernacular — people talking, for those of you that don’t habla netinese. If you actually do useful things with your life you may not be aware of the whole FML phenom. It works like so: people submit short “true”stories and you laugh at them with the giddy relief that wells up when something bad happens to someone else.  You also get to vote whether the person “totally deserved ...READ MORE

Google LuvBuz: SeXXXy Up Your Smartphone

May 14th, 2010

Aight. First off, everything in this article is copyrighted up the Yazoo, which, in case you didn’t know, is the longest river in Egypt. Look it up in your gut. It’s also how you spell Yahoo in Japan.

Secondi (a word which means meat entrees in Italian), I need to up the ante on something I “said” recently: “the iPad might revolutionize masturbation (a facet of the device lamentably unmentioned in all the coverage the thing is getting)”. I wasn’t wrong (totes obv), but something has since come along which is way more right.

Basically, I have pioneered the greatest combination of  sex and technology since the Yeast With 2 Backs electric sandwich maker. Google Buzz is a vibrator application for your Nexus (Just slide your Nexus south of the solar plexus) or other, less cool, Android phones.  Yes, there are other sort of similar apps for other smartphones, but Google Buzz utilizes location awareness and GPS to find vital spots (and bookmark them for those who can’t find them as easily) AND Foursquare integration.  Changing your relationship status on Facebook is SO 2006. Now ...READ MORE

vital titles

April 3rd, 2010

my boss

my boss

Besides Damjan Denoble, who’s got time for reading lengthy blog posts? Sheeit, right now I’m spending so much time getting my helicopter ready for wolf hunting season and pondering how the iPad might revolutionize masturbation (a facet of the device lamentably unmentioned in all the coverage the thing is getting) that I don’t even have time to write the fuckers. The other day I spent way too much time f-in around with the design of this here vanity project and decided I had some good titles, if nothing else, going on. So I’m going to get meta here and aggregate my own content by just listing some of my favorite titles from the 10tonfunk/MSGED weblog archives. Are they the best posts on the blog? I have no idea, I didn’t read them and don’t even remember writing most of ...READ MORE

everything old is new|mix

April 1st, 2010

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Another old mix from Hotpants Productions featuring myself, Big Squeeze, and the world’s greatest DJ — Prince Ruff aka Little Joey Schoenecker aka Joe Schoenecker aka Grandmaster Onassis aka Skinny Baby Jesus. This was the followup to the 10tonfunk megamix. If you’re in the midwest be sure to go check him out. He lives here in cyberspace.

We tagteamed the tracks. The really good ones are all his.

pt 1

1 The Jewels Opportunity
2 Dennis Landry Miss Hard to Get
...READ MORE

Why My Art Degree Makes Me a Kickass Addition to Your Team

March 14th, 2010

Why My Art Degree Makes Me a Kickass Addition to Your Team

Yes, I have an art degree, a bachelors in fine arts in painting. Now I realize it may not seem like my education makes me a great candidate for a position at your company unless you have an illiterate client that needs diagrams drawn or the walls are looking awfully bare (or, conversely, need painting — I have not only studied painting, I have repainted the dorms of an art school, which is meta manual labor). But I did more in school than

- study color theory
- develop an admiration for people who locked themselves in galleries with wild animals, or carefully glued rabbit ears to cockroaches to create ...READ MORE

everything you need to know about geopolitics in 2010 explained with stickers // 一切需要关于2010年的地缘政治的情况知道的知识由用贴纸解释了

February 3rd, 2010

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exactly like the title says. and while a picture may be worth a 1000 words, i’m not sure that the year end/2010 predictions issue of  Caijing this picture came from is worth the 35 RMB i anted up for it at 7-11 in a weak, under-caffeinated haze.

内容已经在标题说好了。可能按照俗语的说法一张图片值得一千词但是我觉得这张图片来自的财经杂志年底版并不值得35元(在7-11还没喝咖啡特别瞌睡的时候买的)!

** 前句话写的特别差,如果有建议怎么该请告诉我!一直到我的汉语水平进步很多我要用更短更简单的话。

...READ MORE

双鱼

February 2nd, 2010

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现在有一些特别好的”bridge”博客把中文的博客翻译成英文: ChinaGeeks, Veggie Discourse, chinaSMACK, ChinaHush, 等等. 这个对不能读汉语或读汉语特别满的人(之一我)有很大的好处. 通过这个博客和写的博客的人的努力我们可以更好理解中国和一些中国的现象. 这些博客的帖子部分常常有很热闹(而有时候很傻)的谈论. 有点儿遗憾的就是这个交流都是英文的所以交通都是单向的. 我希望我们外国人更努力地试试用中文跟我们中国网友联系.

我写这个文章(post怎么说?)的主要的原因是为了请求你们的推荐. 我一直再找好看的博客和别的中文的媒体. 我天天听英文的播客(podcast?), ...READ MORE

Total eclipse of the smart? Why the left wing can’t get off the ground

January 26th, 2010

UPDATE – JAN 26: I wrote this a week ago when I still clearly felt sanguine enough about the political situation in America to sort of be able to joke about it. That was then. News today that Obama is freezing domestic spending is giving me a fucking embolism. Read this and sob. I am speechless. Enjoy it while it lasts.

http://www.webhandprint.com/tp/images/teddy13.jpg

black cats

JAN 14: The world lost another great reason to have sex today — Teddy Pendergrass passed away. Driving home at 3am and hearing “Love TKO” on AM 1290 was always to wish that there was a real secret garden, covered in velour, that one could be inside of. Kind of like the garden of eden but with more mirrorballs, bearskin rugs, fireplaces and hotpants. Another grittier soul stirrer that hurts so good is Howard Tate’s “Get it While You Can” which, in a velour covered nutshell, would be my advice to the current democratic ...READ MORE

life in china explained in 1,584,334 words*

January 19th, 2010

we all know i can be pretty down on the us of a but there are things that genuinely cheer me up about my country of origin and most of them have to do with our popcultural output. if i gave examples of what i consider awesome in this arena it would just demean my point in your cultured, chunky glasses framed eyes so i’ll skip it.

harold and kumar escape from guantanamo bay pretty much expresses everything that is manically, delusionally, dangerously great about america. again, i’m not going to bother to explain this; you don’t need to have seen the movie, the title alone demonstrates how amazing/amazingly inappropriate the movie is. basicaly it’s horribly wrong and also terribly right. plus neal patrick harris is on acid and branding prostitutes with his own initials. see above point about horribly wrong and terribly right.

this clip, though it doesn’t have anything to do with china, has a lot to do with communication problems, which, other than food on sticks, is probably what 79% of my life in china is about.

...READ MORE

top best shit of the past 10 years or so/rejoice thee

December 29th, 2009

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this was actually one of the first posts i ever started writing for this blog. in the hong kong airport on august 28th or 9th, 2006. like avatar, it’ s been a long time coming and cost me 500 million dollars but there aren’t really many changes to it. better late than never (really just an excuse to quote my newest favorite lyric, “pleasa, prayin that her period ain’t late like FEMA”) i’m forgoing my normal florid style and even capital letters and letting the good shit shine.

i think i am less excited by things than i used to be and perhaps have displaced some of my irrational excitement onto totally bizarre/drastically less worthy objects of amuse/bemusement like steven seagal and nicholas cage. increasingly i’ve turned away from the best and embraced the absolute worst (not bad meaning bad but awful meaning amazing). it’s possible i’ve started ...READ MORE