Stallone, Carter, and Kim Jong-il Walk Into a Bar
Actually, what I suspect happened is that an editor walked into a meeting at the beginning of September and said, “Alrighty: the dudes of the week, improbably enough, are Jimmy Carter, Sly Stallone, and Kim Jong-il. One of you lucky suckers is going to get to write a cover story that somehow links the three together.”
Zhang Yue (张悦) got the job, and did an admirable job of uniting this terrible trinity in an article entitled: “Kim Jong-il, Carter, Stallone: Old Men Who Haven’t Yet Responded to Their Curtain Call” (金正日，卡特，史泰龙：老男人未到谢幕时). Opening with a commentary on Hollywood (“Be careful, we’re being haunted by old guys”), the intro gives several examples of the staying power, so to speak, of old men in Hollywood, Cantopop, and global politics.
In addition to the aforementioned “old warhorses that cherish further exploits” (老骥伏枥), the author points out that Deng Xiaoping was already way past retirement age (mid-70s) when he launched reform and opening. When Deng became the first Chinese leader to visit the US in 1979, Prez Jimmy Carter was dealing with fuel prices, an invasion in Afghanistan, and problems in Iran.
Most of the article deals with the on and off relationships between Carter, China, and North Korea — pointing out along the way that North Korea and its leaders are generally written about and received very differently in the US and China. Zhang brings everything together in 1994, the year Kim Jong-il succeeded his father as supreme leader. Earlier that year, Carter made his successful secret trip to Pyongyang to talk a fading Kim Il-song and his nuclear research program off the ledge.
Jimbo’s attempt to reprise the role this year wasn’t so successful. North Korea agreed to release a jailed American if Carter showed up to collect him. Carter, now 86, flew to the DPRK and secured Aijalon Gomes’ release, but was punked by Kim Jr. who’d decided to make an unexpected trip to China on his armored train. Zhang uses diminishing returns as a transition, noting that by 1994, Stallone’s “Cold War hero” (冷战英雄) act was also losing traction in sequels, and he was reduced to making The Specialist.
Though I would’ve liked to see a bigger role in the article for Stallone, any article that brings together Sly, Jimmy Carter, Kim Jong-il, Kim Il-sung, Michael Douglas, Chiang Ching-kuo, and musicians Dou Wei, Zhang Chu and He Yong, gets points from me. I bought the magazine purely due to the greatness of the cover, but the article delivers.
I would love to see Kim Jong-il make an appearance in the inevitable Expendables II. It’s been clear for years that Kim just wants attention from the US. His father (re)wrote plays; he wants to star in movies. Kim (purportedly a Mel Gibson fan) is definitely ready for Hollywood — always wearing shades, personal sushi chef, infamous ‘pleasure parties’. I propose three party talks with Stallone, Kim Jong-il, and Wen Jiabao (no spring chicken himself) as the mediator. Carter? I respect his efforts to make up for a terribly failed presidency, but he should stick to Habitat for Humanity at this point. Maybe he can organize some efforts to build sets for the film.
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