/////// 10tonfunk

Fo Black lived on Canal Street, which used to be a real canal. he didn’t speak very good English, because he hadn’t left Chinatown since he came from Taiwan, because there was no reason for him to. The whole time I talked to him I imagined water on the other side of the window, like we were in an aquarium. He offered me a cup of tea, but I didn’t feel like it, but I drank it anway, to be polite. I asked him did he really love New York or was he just wearing the shirt. “Do? You? Really? Love? New York?” He said, “New York?” I said, “Your. Shirt.”

He looked at his shirt. I ...READ MORE

Aight. First off, everything in this article is copyrighted up the Yazoo, which, in case you didn’t know, is the longest river in Egypt. Look it up in your gut. It’s also how you spell Yahoo in Japan.

Secondi (a word which means meat entrees in Italian), I need to up the ante on something I “said” recently: “the iPad might revolutionize masturbation (a facet of the device lamentably unmentioned in all the coverage the thing is getting)”. I wasn’t wrong (totes obv), but something has since come along which is way more right.

Basically, I have pioneered the greatest combination of  sex and technology since the Yeast With 2 Backs electric sandwich maker. Google Buzz is a vibrator application for your Nexus (Just slide your Nexus south of the solar plexus) or other, less cool, Android phones.  Yes, there are other sort of similar apps for other smartphones, but Google Buzz utilizes location awareness and GPS to find vital spots (and bookmark them for those who can’t find them as easily) AND Foursquare integration.  Changing your relationship status on Facebook is SO 2006. Now ...READ MORE

my boss

Besides Damjan Denoble, who’s got time for reading lengthy blog posts? Sheeit, right now I’m spending so much time getting my helicopter ready for wolf hunting season and pondering how the iPad might revolutionize masturbation (a facet of the device lamentably unmentioned in all the coverage the thing is getting) that I don’t even have time to write the fuckers. The other day I spent way too much time f-in around with the design of this here vanity project and decided I had some good titles, if nothing else, going on. So I’m going to get meta here and aggregate my own content by just listing some of my favorite titles from the 10tonfunk/MSGED weblog archives. Are they the best posts on the blog? I have no idea, I didn’t read them and don’t even remember writing most of ...READ MORE

Yes, I have an art degree, a bachelors in fine arts in painting. Now I realize it may not seem like my education makes me a great candidate for a position at your company unless you have an illiterate client that needs diagrams drawn or the walls are looking awfully bare (or, conversely, need painting — I have not only studied painting, I have repainted the dorms of an art school, which is meta manual labor). But I did more in school than

- study color theory
- develop an admiration for people who locked themselves in galleries with wild animals, or carefully glued rabbit ears to cockroaches to create ...READ MORE

All the time people are asking me, Fred, what makes you tick? And tick I do, like the 38 kuai Lolex I bought from the guy with a briefcase full of them in Sanlitun while I was watching the coed pole dance routine through the window of one of those clubs across from The Village.

Obviously I can’t fit it all into my Twitter profile, but I do wear a lot of hats besides my vintage pleather yarmulke. I’m a social media marketer. I’m a moody foody (copyright pending bitches) — so-called because of the time I nearly used the thing they make guacamole with to bludgeon a waiter at a “Mexican restaurant” to death over a missing burrito; if my strength hadn’t been sapped by low blood sugar it would’ve been ugly. I’m a black belt level twitterbator and also very good at Taebo. I’m at least a purple belt by now in Krav Maga which is a kosher kind of whupass. I’m a neural networker. I collect avatars like so many ears on a string around my ...READ MORE

This goes down even better if you’re listening to Shook Ones Part 2. ...READ MORE

Friday, October 23rd, Obiwan is going to be on super deluxe mode with Beats Royale served up fresh by DJ Markie Royale. 100% quality hip hop, 0% Rap & Bullshit. All the info you need to make the magic happen is right here. ...READ MORE

First off, I want to apologize for the translation that follows. Not because I’m worried about embarrassing myself with the Chinese language — I’ve been doing that since I first attempted to say Chinese (my first sentence was “How do I milk this cow?”) and continue to do so on a daily basis — but because I’m nervous that I’ve gotten crucial parts of this wrong, and am thus misrepresenting the article’s author. I went over the article with my tutor but I’m sure problems still remain — my fault, not hers. If you spot problems in the translation please let me know.

A twitter friend/follower/acolyte/tweep @gr8bad originally sent me this article towards the end of July. I downloaded it, which was fortunate as it was almost immediately pulled offline. It took me a long time to get through it, but once I reached the end and read the comments I realized I was reading the words of a jailed man. By the time I finished the article, the author, Xu Zhiyong, was already halfway through a 3 week detainment which ended with him being charged with tax-related ...READ MORE

Or really f-in late depending on how you look at it as this mix is actually from a few years back.

This mix was made a few years back by myself, Big Squeeze, and the world’s greatest DJ — Prince Ruff aka Little Joey Schoenecker aka Joe Schoenecker aka Grandmaster Onassis aka Skinny Baby Jesus — back when we were 2/3rds of Young, Gifted and Black.  If you’re in the midwest be sure to go check him out. He lives here in cyberspace.

Stocking 1: Big Squeeze